I think most of us (more than we'd admit) have that fear of really trying, because if you really try and you fail, that's devastating. But if you half-ass it and you fail, well, you half-assed it, so who cares? I think about that sometimes when I think about my acting career, which ended when I didn't want to really try. I wanted a different kind of security. It bugs me sometimes, but mostly I'm at peace with it (I think). Rushing in exercise, that impatience, I also think a lot of us have that. I used to do yoga like that--that was one of my yoga-epiphanies (lol): that I needed to just take my damn time and not rush through the pose. The pose is more beautiful, is stronger, is better, if you take your time. But I'm impatient and I rush. It's heartbreaking to read how little grace you were given as a child. I have 2 nephews and I think about that a lot, about how we have to extend grace to them because they *don't know.* They're children. So many adults get fooled into momentarily thinking that kids are on their same level, because kids can annoy you just as much as an adult (if not more, let's be real), or that beating something or yelling something out of a kid will ever work. It doesn't, it never does. Even if it takes for a little while, it doesn't take forever.
I really liked the line "I should do things not because of how they will be judged but because of how doing them will make me feel." I have written it on a Post-it next to my desk, next to a quote by Jerry Saltz: "Just write, you big baby! You already know how to write."
I have been thinking a lot about sports and their role in my life lately. For so long, I did not consider myself sporty. While I've always loved to run and compete, I didn't get a lot of opportunities to do that in a sports setting and was told often that I was slow, bad, and uncoordinated. I started running in college and continue to challenge myself. But only after seeing my daughter compete and swim and love a sport did I realize the role of this in my life -- how it helps channel an inner intensity, how I am pretty good, how I've always felt like I'm not invited to play, even though I really want to. And I wonder how many more things I miss out on because I believed what someone said about me, rather than playing the game I wanted.
I cried reading this because it finally put words to what I struggle with too. "Why bother doing anything if it won’t be judged fairly or clearly." just sums it up so tragically and simply. I also love how you dont put down going slow and steady, while still being curious about competitiveness. I'm also curious about being more competitive, but don't want to just buy in to our hyper competitive culture. I also like that I care about others and think about their experience too. I don't want to lose that. Thank you for sharing this, has helped me process.
I can't even express how much I love this newsletter because it distills so many things I've been thinking about myself -- re competitiveness, steadiness, the value of repetition and taking pleasure in the process. Also I feel like you would really enjoy Andre Agassi's memoir if you haven't already read it -- because it's a lot about tennis but really more about the mental side of tennis.
Real life lessons not just tennis ones, though also tennis ones. I love the simplicity of your writing here. In the actual writing you aren’t rushing. You’re staying with it and seeing it through. Lesson learned. 🙏🏼❤️
Never fear. It can destroy you. Tennis is a great sport. Get on the court and loosen up, let out a few primal roars and whack the hell out of that ball. For fun. Stop overthinking your next move and let it happen. Loosen up both physically and mentally. Laugh when it's all over and look forward to the next time.
And for yourself - love yourself. Don't obsess with the past and the old consequences. Irrelevant! Now is what matters.
This is lovely, Brandon. And very helpful. Took me until 50 to get to the edge of where you are now. ❤️
I think most of us (more than we'd admit) have that fear of really trying, because if you really try and you fail, that's devastating. But if you half-ass it and you fail, well, you half-assed it, so who cares? I think about that sometimes when I think about my acting career, which ended when I didn't want to really try. I wanted a different kind of security. It bugs me sometimes, but mostly I'm at peace with it (I think). Rushing in exercise, that impatience, I also think a lot of us have that. I used to do yoga like that--that was one of my yoga-epiphanies (lol): that I needed to just take my damn time and not rush through the pose. The pose is more beautiful, is stronger, is better, if you take your time. But I'm impatient and I rush. It's heartbreaking to read how little grace you were given as a child. I have 2 nephews and I think about that a lot, about how we have to extend grace to them because they *don't know.* They're children. So many adults get fooled into momentarily thinking that kids are on their same level, because kids can annoy you just as much as an adult (if not more, let's be real), or that beating something or yelling something out of a kid will ever work. It doesn't, it never does. Even if it takes for a little while, it doesn't take forever.
I really liked the line "I should do things not because of how they will be judged but because of how doing them will make me feel." I have written it on a Post-it next to my desk, next to a quote by Jerry Saltz: "Just write, you big baby! You already know how to write."
I have been thinking a lot about sports and their role in my life lately. For so long, I did not consider myself sporty. While I've always loved to run and compete, I didn't get a lot of opportunities to do that in a sports setting and was told often that I was slow, bad, and uncoordinated. I started running in college and continue to challenge myself. But only after seeing my daughter compete and swim and love a sport did I realize the role of this in my life -- how it helps channel an inner intensity, how I am pretty good, how I've always felt like I'm not invited to play, even though I really want to. And I wonder how many more things I miss out on because I believed what someone said about me, rather than playing the game I wanted.
Loved playing table tennis with you back in the Tin House days. Love to see this growth Brandon!
What? You want to make me cry? ❤️ Tennis saved me during the pandemic and it keeps saving me now 🎾
I cried reading this because it finally put words to what I struggle with too. "Why bother doing anything if it won’t be judged fairly or clearly." just sums it up so tragically and simply. I also love how you dont put down going slow and steady, while still being curious about competitiveness. I'm also curious about being more competitive, but don't want to just buy in to our hyper competitive culture. I also like that I care about others and think about their experience too. I don't want to lose that. Thank you for sharing this, has helped me process.
The word serve comes to mind. To perform a duty. To ourselves. Which also serves others. Thank you.
I can't even express how much I love this newsletter because it distills so many things I've been thinking about myself -- re competitiveness, steadiness, the value of repetition and taking pleasure in the process. Also I feel like you would really enjoy Andre Agassi's memoir if you haven't already read it -- because it's a lot about tennis but really more about the mental side of tennis.
Real life lessons not just tennis ones, though also tennis ones. I love the simplicity of your writing here. In the actual writing you aren’t rushing. You’re staying with it and seeing it through. Lesson learned. 🙏🏼❤️
Never fear. It can destroy you. Tennis is a great sport. Get on the court and loosen up, let out a few primal roars and whack the hell out of that ball. For fun. Stop overthinking your next move and let it happen. Loosen up both physically and mentally. Laugh when it's all over and look forward to the next time.
And for yourself - love yourself. Don't obsess with the past and the old consequences. Irrelevant! Now is what matters.
Thank you, was just talking about this in therapy today.
Thanks, Brandon. I wish I could go back in time and read this when I was younger.
I read this out loud to my tennis loving husband. Thank you for this beautiful meditation on effort and risk taking
thank you. i didn't realize that i have also felt this way until reading this.
i love this. thank you for this.