"That in some ways, she was trading off their desperation for her in order to get what she wanted. And that I was a part of her calculation. A calculation that was running all the time in her mind because that’s how it is with addiction. That calculation never stops. It keeps going and going until it burns you down to the bare fibers..." This procrastination piece hit me as hard as Scott Russell Sanders' essay about his father. Devastating to be the calculus of the addict, and when you know, you know. Thank you for sharing such a personal piece.
This whole piece spoke to me but the paragraph about living reflexively and sometimes not seeing anything when looking inward-that’s speaking a truth right there.
Though I hesitate to mention the topic of politics, it's long been my belief that for a good portion of this country, the lure of Trumpism/fascism/authoritarianism is much like the lure of of gambling. False hope is still hope, belief in a con is still belief in something outside of and larger than themselves.
Dear BRANDON..It seems A Common Place but paradoxically It Isn t...It S reality, your Life and the lives of many black people, Always in THE BACK SEAT of Life.. especially now Memories and past feelings returns..as FOR everyone!and they are cold warm bad or nice..your mom has been a young woman working hard,then agee working hard.then old aged.. WHAT I feel Is that She had tried to survive in a world WHERE surviving was not probably living ..as a young woman and later..She HAD TRIED !badly wrongly or not..She wanted to show She COULD be normal..hard Life leads to border respectability and self destruction, sometimes without being aware..Black people are appreciated in the Olympic Games or in movies..however still they have troubled Path to run..when I hear "I m a democratic I m not a racist..."..I Say to myself..sure?Is It a Common Way to be well accepted in certain social levels???.LET S Remember that the Road to equality Is VERY long still..in any form!however..your mom didn t leave you,and if She awoke you at night, forgive her since every woman Is capable to be a perfect nice kind pleasant lovely mother when society permits to be like that ....advertising models do exist in reality for the few...and I dare Say..Yes the majority are White..I m white too, so I CAN AFFIRM THAT I KNOW WHAT BEING WHITE MEANS IN CERTAIN OCCASIONS AND PART OF THE WORLD.:.A PRIVILEGE without merits!so Keep when mom held your Hands or when you played in the pool....Dear Brandon I m on your side..unluckily Life is Beyond movies..Is much harder and full with obstacles disillusione and....NOW enjoy we are Reading you..THIS IS TRUE SATISFACTION , deserving a light soul and a smile
I grew up in the south in the 70s/80s and except for the doctors/engineers in my extended indian family, most everyone else I knew owned motels, worked them etc. I loved the movie Mississippi Masala for capturing the Black-Brown dynamics broadly especially in white dominant south (and for other reasons). This story builds on those layers of relationships and how we treat each other, why and how it relates to the other power dynamics including gender and race and white supremacy.
What a piece. Thank you.
And you’ve put into words things I very much understand but have never been able to articulate.
"That in some ways, she was trading off their desperation for her in order to get what she wanted. And that I was a part of her calculation. A calculation that was running all the time in her mind because that’s how it is with addiction. That calculation never stops. It keeps going and going until it burns you down to the bare fibers..." This procrastination piece hit me as hard as Scott Russell Sanders' essay about his father. Devastating to be the calculus of the addict, and when you know, you know. Thank you for sharing such a personal piece.
This whole piece spoke to me but the paragraph about living reflexively and sometimes not seeing anything when looking inward-that’s speaking a truth right there.
This is such a personal piece, Brandon, thank you for sharing.
Though I hesitate to mention the topic of politics, it's long been my belief that for a good portion of this country, the lure of Trumpism/fascism/authoritarianism is much like the lure of of gambling. False hope is still hope, belief in a con is still belief in something outside of and larger than themselves.
nice piece
Thank you so much for sharing this.
I m sorry..I know that even terrible..when old..people remember some kind od positive sides..hold on my friend
This was stunning. Memory is such a powerful force. Thank you for letting us inside your head with this beautiful procrastination.
Gorgeous.
Beautiful. Outstanding writing. An honor to read. Thank you.
yes and yes.
Dear BRANDON..It seems A Common Place but paradoxically It Isn t...It S reality, your Life and the lives of many black people, Always in THE BACK SEAT of Life.. especially now Memories and past feelings returns..as FOR everyone!and they are cold warm bad or nice..your mom has been a young woman working hard,then agee working hard.then old aged.. WHAT I feel Is that She had tried to survive in a world WHERE surviving was not probably living ..as a young woman and later..She HAD TRIED !badly wrongly or not..She wanted to show She COULD be normal..hard Life leads to border respectability and self destruction, sometimes without being aware..Black people are appreciated in the Olympic Games or in movies..however still they have troubled Path to run..when I hear "I m a democratic I m not a racist..."..I Say to myself..sure?Is It a Common Way to be well accepted in certain social levels???.LET S Remember that the Road to equality Is VERY long still..in any form!however..your mom didn t leave you,and if She awoke you at night, forgive her since every woman Is capable to be a perfect nice kind pleasant lovely mother when society permits to be like that ....advertising models do exist in reality for the few...and I dare Say..Yes the majority are White..I m white too, so I CAN AFFIRM THAT I KNOW WHAT BEING WHITE MEANS IN CERTAIN OCCASIONS AND PART OF THE WORLD.:.A PRIVILEGE without merits!so Keep when mom held your Hands or when you played in the pool....Dear Brandon I m on your side..unluckily Life is Beyond movies..Is much harder and full with obstacles disillusione and....NOW enjoy we are Reading you..THIS IS TRUE SATISFACTION , deserving a light soul and a smile
I grew up in the south in the 70s/80s and except for the doctors/engineers in my extended indian family, most everyone else I knew owned motels, worked them etc. I loved the movie Mississippi Masala for capturing the Black-Brown dynamics broadly especially in white dominant south (and for other reasons). This story builds on those layers of relationships and how we treat each other, why and how it relates to the other power dynamics including gender and race and white supremacy.